Sahra, can I just say that I also went through similar experiences except your scenarios sound more hurtful :( I’m sorry you went through that, and I know how confusing it can be. You ask yourself, where does it all begin? It starts in the now. If you really want to nip this in the bud for real, it will take time. Analyze your friends and if any are toxic (putting you down especially consistently) cut them out or distance yourself. If they wonder, you can either say upfront the dynamic of your relationship and how it makes you uncomfortable, or play it off and continue the distance. It depends how brave you want to get. At this time, you are vulnerable and need to control your environment as you continue improving yourself. Next, you will have to pay attention and act on present situations where you can catch your friends in a hurtful scenario. I really do believe if one does not stand up for themselves then it means there’s a lack of self respect, self love. Think how critical this is. You will make mistakes and have your voice shake, but think of the reward. It will make your relationships much better, the real friends will naturally be divided by ones who have ulterior motives. And you will stop having this poisonous feeling eating away at you. You sound amazing and kind and I hope you find your brave side, I know you have it. <3 Hugs