i want to share and excuse me if it too long i need to let it out..
people been taking advantage of me my entire life
since i was a kid
my family "mom,dad and siblings" no wonder my friend too
i been raised to be taking advantage of . i can't stand up for my self. every time i do it thy got mad and i began to feel guilty AF . am 25 years old and i can't stand out for my self i have low self esteem .
myfam build this image of me without even looking at me if i act different of what they expect me to do they would reject it
i can't even speak for my self and i believe that's why i don't have friend thy always use me and then dumb me when they finished using me i can't trust no one "now i have (1)trust issue"i can't even trust my self .
i tried once to act i stood in front my mom for something i thought silly not a big deal ''' she ended up in the hospital she got diabetes and Pressure disease and she couldn't handle the truth or the why i did i still feel guilt about it she got in the hospital for 3 months because of it .
now i can't even tell her that am "gay" i mean she got so mad when i told her am "atheist" she still denial it "she says "be a hypocritical but don't you dare to be infidel "
am still virgin they want me to marry a Muslim guy...
and what killing me that i know they don't give a dam about me
They will sacrifice me for their ::ennoble honor::
i want to leave to start over but i cant do it
i cant stand out for my self cause i don't know how to do it. i tried .
i worth nothing .
cant do anything to Chang how i feel about my self
i been throw a lot ...i got sexually assaulted by my big and younger brothers i felt betrayal to me don't got evidence it won't confirm my family wont believe me . i guess thy got away with it
its hard for me that thy still live with me and the family
and to be seeing them everyday .
it was in 2012 i guess am still not over it . i cant feel safe at home or anywhere else it effect me so much that
i can't have a job like normal person i dont have trust on my self i cant defend my self am weak stupid and worthless who can't accomplish anything in life .
every time i want to move on new shit happen
i need to over coming my self and escape to a place i can find love and appreciation to find people who except me for who i am
people who will respect me and treated my like human being a person feelings
i really dont know what to do with my life