Well, yeah, bipolar relationships will always fail when you're switching personalities every few hours for months on end like I was.
Honestly, even with Seroquel Lithium and Gabapentin I'm still dealing with severe symptoms of rapid-cycling BPII disorder, BPD and severe panic disorder.
Medicine seems to be useless for helping me control my behavior and just breathe (unless it's nicotine, which is arguably my most helpful mood regulator).
My ex picked up and left me without a word one day after a particularly bad manic episode where I got into using fentanyl and she found out. I deserved it though. She deserves better than me.
Was with her for a year. Thought I was marrying her. Tried to kill myself 20 times in a row with the fent after that and needed to be psychiatrically hospitalized.
I'm 18. Where did my life go? I'm going to die with this disorder and it's going to control me for as long as I live in one way or another because it's a chronic chemical issue in my head.
Bipolar II disorder destroyed everything around me and I was responsible for picking up all the pieces. My hypomania is exactly like Mini-Me pushing all the bad buttons in my brain until I cave and give into a dangerous impulse. I'm not done picking those pieces up yet.
But after many months I got over her leaving me and recognized that I need to stay mentally stable, occupy my time with sober people and smoke until my lungs fall out of my chest instead of trying to find romantic love and compassion that I'm never going to receive from a normal person. It just can't happen. I can't afford to risk things going wrong.
I'm also happy to be sober today, with the exception of smoking 2 packs a day.
Normal people will never understand the emotional dysregulation we suffer with, and it destroys everything around us even though we're not the ones in charge at that point.
I've made mistakes and have committed unspeakable acts during manic episodes that I will have to take to my grave with me because I am truly a horrible human being when my disorder kicks in.
Step 4 is not for me, because if I took a written personal inventory and confessed every wrong I did to another human being, I'd be rotting in a jail cell for decades. Bipolar disorder is an unmanageable disease sometimes, and it makes people do things they're not proud of to say the least.
I'm cool with having all my friends and family in NA, I don't need a psychonormative woman to break my heart or cheat on me and send me careening off the nearest bridge/get me put in jail because I killed the person she had an affair with/send me back out into the world of active addiction because I just flipped my shit and decided to try overdosing again.
I'll stay away from romance for my own sake.