I’ve been six glasses of wine a day for years. I sit out on my front porch, chain smoke, drink, and go on social media or listen to music. I would often post overly-sentimental and embarrassing . stuff I would cringe about and delete the next day. One night, I blacked out and screamed a bunch of racial slurs at my Mexican neighbors. For no reason. I didn’t particularly like them as people, but half my family is Mexican so it made no sense. I would NEVER do something like that and I don’t recall any of it. Complete and total blackout. Except my husband told me what I did and that he heard people talking outside the house later that night saying that “you should call the police on those people”. I have been laying low ever since. Basically hiding, quiet as a mouse. There have been times before where I thought I had hit rock bottom. Missing a few days of work or booking up with someone I would never be into sober. But this was definitely the lowest and most insane thing I have ever done. I realized if I had gone to treatment earlier things never would have escalated to this level of insanity.