Alright, time for my horror story. I came here like most of you to find ways to forgive myself.
I've been single for a long time, by choice, after a toxic relationship. I moved to this place where it seems most men are not serious; they're all looking for something casual, and it inevitably surfaces sooner or later.
At some point, I went without intimacy for three years. I met this guy at a party who was 11 years younger (!), but since I look very young, the age gap wasn't obvious. I told myself, "What the heck, let's try something more casual for once in my life."
We started seeing each other with clear terms: it was supposed to stay casual and not lead to anything serious because of the significant age gap, his intention to leave the place soon, his recent breakup, and our incompatible lifestyles in the long run.
We met once a week, had great dates, conversations, lots of affection, and amazing intimacy. Of course, I got attached... but I managed to keep myself in check to some extent.
He told me about his ex, who is a guy; he's bisexual. His ex cheated on him, and they broke up maybe three weeks before he met me.
So, last Saturday, I went to this party and got completely wrecked – I mean, completely. No one could control or stop me. I was at this party with his friends and his... ex.
His ex is a DJ and wanted to play some music. I approached him and said some awful stuff like, "Why did you cheat on him? You're a sl**t," and other things. It was absolutely horrible and appalling, especially considering I'm usually the kindest, most considerate person alive. The guy got so angry he started shouting at me, wanting to call security and whatnot.
I stayed with his friends, being the most annoying person alive, repeating the same story over and over. Everyone had enough of me and looked at me like I was crazy. They wanted my other friends to take me home, but they couldn't control me, so they gave up and left me there... alone to keep ruining my life.
I texted the guy I'm seeing that his ex went all psycho on me – well, actually, it was the other way around, but I was too wrecked to understand.
He came to pick me up, and everyone looked at me with plain hatred. He took me to his place, and we spent a day and two nights there. I started realizing a bit of what happened; I was completely blacked out, but I could remember some things, and my friends told me the rest. I apologized profusely, even though I couldn't remember everything. He said it's okay, we all make major mistakes sometimes, but he asked me to promise to never do anything like that again. I cried all morning and made a promise to him.
I went home and texted him again to apologize, as well as all the other people I could think of, including his ex.
Two days passed, and he texted me that I have more feelings for him and we should stop. To a certain extent, it's better for me because I wouldn't have the willpower to stop, and I would only get more and more hurt, falling deeper for him while his mindset remained clear.
But at the same time, the self-loathing after making a complete fool of myself in front of his friends wouldn't leave me alone.
Your stories helped me a bit, guys.